If you’d prefer to remember Porsche as the legendary German marque of yesteryear, whose most radically heretical products were a couple of front-engined water-cooled coupes in the seventies and eighties, please close your browser window now, hug your knees, and seek your happy place.

Porsche Exclusive – the brand’s in-house customization group – just released this: the 2015 Cayenne S Palladium Metallic.

The Porsche Cayenne S Palladium Metallic paint couldn’t be more flashy if it color-shifted to electric pink (don’t get any ideas, Porsche). As if seeing the Porsche crest glued onto a crossover SUV weren’t enough to make its sports car loyalists shudder, along comes this.

Inside the cabin, we see that the designers of the Porsche Cayenne S Palladium Metallic couldn’t help but wreck that, too. Decked-out largely in soothing, subdued Agate Grey, the tranquility is rudely interrupted by god-awful Cream colored accents. In moderation it might have proven attractive enough, but with the center console trim, center stack buttons and HVAC vents all sharing the same eyesore of a color, the interior is reduced to a nausea-inducing two-tone nightmare.

The Porsche Cayenne S Palladium Metallic is, in a word, “garish.” About the only details that have our seal of approval are the new twin-turbo V6, common to all 2015 Porsche Cayenne S models, and the crossover’s singular mechanical tweak: a sports exhaust system. But even more than any Cayenne model before it, the Porsche Cayenne S Palladium Metallic sneezes at every single traditional brand loyalist.

Guys, I think they’re just messing with us now.